Sweet Words : The Mask of Artificial Love
A snake-shaped tongue emerges from parted lips. The visual is striking. It startles. It disturbs. And it reveals a truth: Not all that sounds like love is safe. Not all that is sweet is sincere.
In fact, some of the most dangerous forms of manipulation come cloaked in kindness, sweet and nice words. Just like the snake in the image - words that charm but intentions that coil.
Though the image is specific, the article doesn’t target one gender only. I mean all of us.
Love is the most vital force in human life. Yet it is also one of the most misdirected, misunderstood, and misrepresented.
Many of us grow up experiencing things that look and sound like love but are not.
These substitutes - sentimentality, control, self-sacrifice, niceness - can feel warm, familiar, even virtuous. But they often mask insecurity, fear, ego, or emotional manipulation.
Because they masquerade as love, we rarely question them. And in cultures like India, where family bonds and duty are celebrated as sacred, these false versions of love are not only normalised, they’re often idealised.
Over time though, these imitations erode trust, damage intimacy, prevent real connection, rob from personal integrity and growth.
Sentimentality is not equal to Love
Sentimentality is emotion for emotion’s sake, often theatrical, guilt-laden, or nostalgic. It clings to how things were, and resists growth.
“You’re my darling. You are all I have. No one understands me but you.”
This may sound affectionate, but in many Indian families, such statements are loaded with emotional debt, often used by parents to maintain influence, especially over married sons or daughters.
Real love supports the other’s forward movement and self-actualisation. Sentimentality pulls them backward, toward obligation, toward the past, toward guilt. It’s happy with how things were and is scared of how things will be.
Possessiveness is not equal to Love
Being protective is not the same as being possessive. Love says, “I want you to be free.”
Possessiveness says, “You belong to me.”
In many Indian households, it’s common for spouses, or in-laws, to justify control under the pretence of care: “I’m not stopping you from going out, I’m just concerned.”
Or worse “ I can’t manage if you go out by yourself, because I’m so worried about what will happen to you.”
“Now that you’re married you have no other life but me” or equally worse” even though you are married remember your first duty is to me/us”
Love respects individuality. Possessiveness demands loyalty at the cost of freedom. It disguises fear as affection and control as care. Romanticised suffering, especially for women, is deeply embedded in cultural narratives.
In India, the “ideal woman” is still often one who sacrifices everything for her family.“She never complained. She gave up her dreams. She lived only for us.”
But love is not about erasing yourself. It is not about vanishing so that others may shine.
Real love uplifts both people, allowing each to grow in confidence, voice, and independence.
Niceness is not equal to Love
Being polite, agreeable, or conflict-averse is not the same as being loving.
In many families, “keeping the peace” is more important than telling the truth. Disagreements are discouraged. Elders are obeyed without question.
Often the “elder” is simply a sibling (generally incompetent) who has power, or the authority he gets from a tradition of being male.
I say “generally incompetent” because substitute love is the walking stick of incompetency. True love fosters capability. Only the incompetent, the insecure, seeking compliance without questioning.
“Just stay quiet. Why do you always create drama?”
Resentments fester. Frustrations are buried. Individuals feel unseen.
Love is not afraid of discomfort. It invites honesty. It engages. It listens. Niceness avoids.
Pity is not equal to Love
Pity often looks like charity, but it’s rooted in superiority, not empathy. It’s the feeling that someone is beneath you, and that your help makes you noble. Also that they are now obliged to you.
“He’s just a watchman, but we always greet him with a smile.” As if common decency becomes extraordinary when offered to someone of a lower social class. But how often do we treat that same person with equal dignity?
Real love honours the humanity in every person. Pity reduces people to objects of generosity without granting them true respect.
Or patronising. "Don’t worry, I’ll handle the finances. You never really understood these things anyway.” (This sounds like care, but quietly communicates superiority and diminishes the partner's capability.)
“S/he’s trying, poor thing. Let’s not expect too much from her/him." (This kind of talk often masquerades as compassion in family dynamics but locks someone into a limiting identity till it becomes a permanent excuse.)
Infantile obedience
In India, even adult children are expected to follow parental wishes without question.
“If you loved us, you’d listen.”
“You’ve changed since your marriage.”
But infantile obedience is not a sign of love. It’s a sign of conditioning, sometimes even fear.
Love seeks understanding, not control. It empowers free will, not enforced submission.When we don’t know what love truly is, we settle for its illusions. We live in homes that feel emotionally close but are inwardly isolating. We stay in marriages that appear stable but feel empty. We grow up thinking we were loved, but deep down, we never felt seen or safe.
Worse, we get angry at the one who insists on real love and refuses the pretence!
Real love is steady. It is honest. It asks for truth, even when it’s difficult. It confronts, forgives, and begins again. It pushes us to grow, and holds us through that growth.
Love is not instinct. Love is not tradition. Love is not guilt or fear or duty.
Love is transformation...making things and people better. In this world that is subject to decay, destruction, and death, real love is the only resistance.
We are at our best when two things occur. We love truly and feel loved freely.No one who seeks true love is comfortable knowing the other is acting out of compulsion, guilt, or duty. It needs to be experienced as a willing and a wanting out of visible freedom and choice.
Don’t Settle for the Masquerade
You don’t need to abandon your family, your culture, or your roots to find real love.
But you do need to question whether what you’ve learnt or been taught is love.
True love does not demand the erasure of self, it demands the growth of both.
True love also demands dying to self, but this differentiated from becoming a door-mat or becoming invisible, by the fact that dying-to-self makes you stronger, more convinced, capable, and integral as a person.
Love is not instinct. It is nature formed and developed with knowledge and skill. Love is who we are by birth. It is a natural talent that needs hard work.
If we possess real love we become only better and better at it.
In this world, beginnings are often driven by lust or greed. Success is most often achieved fuelled by fear. But only love sustains. Love is not known by how we begin, but by how we end.
God IS Love. You were made in the image of God. Love is you. Find your true self now and always.