Every Family Has A Flaw

Every family has a flaw

Control. Pride. Vanity.

This is how the “power, passion and personalities” manifest in relationships and families.

It’s in every family - yours too.

In normal families we can get away without needing to have daily interactions , or, rarely if ever, make a shared decision.

Families in business don’t have this escape route. They need to meet everyday at work regardless of how they are currently feeling about each other.

Also everyone FEELS equal, even if there is a gap of twenty years between the eldest and the youngest. But most ‘elders’ feel they have a special right even if they are twins and just a minute ahead of the other.

To enable people to see themselves differently, grow and evolve as individuals, identify the real problem and be able to discuss it as they would any other issue/problem is the combined work of (a) Coaching and (b) Facilitation.

Problems are defined by the characteristic of having a solution.

Issues are those thorns that have no solution and can only be managed. (Growing old is a good example. It has no solution but can be managed well) In families -- personalities or value differences between individuals, are issues not problems.

In most families however, people tend to see all issues as problems and create solutions where none exists. These solutions cause only more problems.

There is a pleasure we get from relationships, as also a responsibility we have in relationships.

Most people tend to get irresponsible about their relationships when they no longer get the pleasure they seek from it. They distance themselves completely from the child, sibling or parent or even begin to attack the other actively.

Sometimes though, the process of managing the issue is the willingness to give up the pleasure but remain responsible . We must do this not for the other person so much, but for our own needs of integrity and self esteem…without which the money or wealth we have is pretty much useless.

The best families have the responsibility and the pleasure shared equally by all.

The cheap, sinful families have subset relationships where a few amongst themselves say “we can have a good time if we cast out the trouble maker” Such a desire is permanently ruinous.

Fragmented divided families are devoid of character as they give up all hope (and possess no visible/critical need) of shared pleasure or responsibility. Birthdays and seasons greetings are a polite way of of each individual bolstering his or her own sense of self respect…”I at least do this”

A business to survive generations, and become an institution, needs to possess character. It requires values, culture, processes which is manifested in decision-making that is respectful and inclusive of all stakeholders.

Where individuals begin to believe that the other is not required and the other requires no information/updates, there the individuals concerned have been crippled by their lust for power (control), their delusion of passion (pride) and their weakness in the sense of superiority they possess(vanity)

Families die faster than individuals.

Families grow faster than businesses.

Both these facts are thus a threat to the business, and need systems, policies and a culture in place that will enable the business to transit generations.

Only character survives and thrives…the rest die. Some die painfully with bitter fighting and politics and the others disappear by sale (get out while the going is good).

Investing, building, and growing in character helps you, your family and your business.

A trainer is required in the gym to build our bodies. A coach is required in relationships, families, and businesses to build character.